An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck.One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!


IN other news. i missed the body pump class due to a very slow bus driver. to the extent that i was imagining walking down and saying to him 'can i introduce you to some one? SECOND GEAR' so i went on the treadmill and did a fitness test. apprently i am level 0. hmmm. oh and my VO2 max is 58.7. i dont really understand this. then i did some weights on the machines.
then in the evning was hiphop for beginners. i dont have much coordination so i struggled a bit but i have got most of the moves, will do one more before i attempt a proper class. tonight is the half hour bodypump technique class and after that i have an hour of yoga. we move house this weekend so no excercise for me until sun when i go for a long run with Lauren. last sun we did 8miles. w00t. scales are doing scary fluctuation things. last night 13.10 this morning 14.3 that is half stone difference. gulp. weird

ok long post ahead.

Right lets break this down. I know why i am feeling shitty, im a) tired b) not eating well c) its that time of the month grrr snarl etc d) its winter e) im bored f) i dont like that way my body feels g) i think i am getting a cold. h) not enough excercise

so what can i do about it? Ok.... golden rules coming up.

a) try and get a decent nights sleep. go to bed relatively early
1) be in bed no later than 11pm on a *shcool night*
2) deep breathing for 15min before bed. after 15min meditation

b) eat well. duh
1) take your multi vit, Fish oils and glucosamine daily.
2) get at least five a day, three fruits and two or more vegg
3) lean protien
4) skim milk at least one glass and a yogurt daily
5) eat Meal-snack-meal-snack-meal
6) NO processed foods, including but not limited too; biccis, cakes, chocolate, bread

c) not much, wait it out and perhaps get a hot water bottle for the pain
all the excersise and eating weel will certainl help, the way i have be treating my body the last few weeks. have not

d) yeah lets face it im not god
1) get outside for some air every day.
2) use the sunrise simulator alarm and use the SAD light thingy

e) get a new job. take some courses
1) begin new job search
2) look into night classes
3) make a decision and stick with it

f) do b and h and perhaps be nice to yourself once in a while
1) have a pamaper session once a week, on sun. sit in the bath, do the whole hair, nails, face shebang.
2) meditate for 15min every evening before bed.
3) try not to get stressed. sounds stupid but this is for the 20year old who has/had a stomach ulcer
4) dont use fat to protect youself... use excercise to build a strong agile body instead

g) do a, b, f and possible wrap up warmer.
1) yep, eat well and excercise and remain helathy. although with the way this offces has been dropping like flies then i am doing pretty weel to just ahve a sniffle, a headache and be a little tired. w00t to me

h) run, yoga gym classes etc. take it seriously
1) ok the week will look something like this w:weights cv:cardio vascular s:streatching
Mon:
6:30-7:30 Run CV
18:00-19:00 Aqua CV
19:30-19:30 Body Pump W
Tues:
16:30-18:00 Yoga S
19:00-20:00 Body Attack CV
Wed:
19:00-20:00 Run Arthurs Seat with Lauren CV
Thurs:
06:45-07:45 Body Pump W
18:30-19:30 Hip Hop CV
Fri:
06:45-07:45 Group Cycle CV
Sat:
10:00-11:00 Body Pump W
12:15-13:15 hip hop CV
13:30-14:30 Body Balance S
Sun:
long run with lauren CV

now this is designed like this so that i can cut out classes as and when necessary. but at least this way my week has some sort of structure to it. Fruday will probably end up being my rest day. and i may ditcha classes on saturday in favour of a bike ride. i have a lovely new bike
this way i have CV:8-10 sessions W:3 sessions of Body Pump puls any extra i do on my own S:and 2 streatching sessions a week.

although this may need serious re-jigging. and i will substitute weights and streatching for some of the CV work.

so thats the plan.

feeling much better today. i think :D
I know that i feel fat and ugly. and i also know that i can do something about it. so i will. as described above i will follow these very easy steps.
1) excercise. lots. the benefits of excerices have been proved by sicentists :p
2) cut out junk food
3) take vitamins
4) get enough sleep
5) have some me time; meditate, beautify etc
6) read blogs, update mine


*go Alphamare Go*

ps my back hurts and i probably should have gone to yoga last night but decided to skip it instead. *kicks self up the behind* i have my %k run with Lauren tonight up Arthurs seat. yay. its really pretty up there. in other news we move this weekend.

i wonder if i can fit some swimming in that schedule any where. hmmm

At work. Bored. Depressed. am also relly pissed off at myslef. I chewed my fingernails today. i havent done that in a looong time. months. oops.

went for a very long run with lauren last night. 8miles. we didnt much feel in the mood so we ran/walked the whole thing. ah well

i suppose it reflects everything in my life atm. its all a half arsed effort.

yesterday i was fine. today i am in a shitty mood. thankfully my boss is off ill and i dont have to deal with her today. yawn.

what the hell now?

ah well, we move house next weekend... and then once we have i will be able to have pets again, so thank goodness for small blessings. in an attempt to boraden my horizons, widen my cirlce of friends (something like that) i have joined a psychology/philosophy discusssion group. i am also going to sign up for art classes/and art group when i can find one.

and find a new job, and start the courses i want to do so that i wont be stuck where i am now for the rest of my life.

i think i need to sleep more :)

hope everyone else is doingwell on the diet/excercise/life front

total and utter coulnd care less'ness'

i am so tired and run down. and its my fault for eating junky food for the last 2/3 weeks. i didnt pig out much over xmas... but now i am making up for lost time or somehting...get a grip woman!!!

i hate my job it bores me silly. have gone back to eating chocs and crisps and bread. i know i must now be putting weight on because the scale went yp to 14.1 today...a dn my cheeks and chin (which had lost most of the blub) are getting soft and squidgy.

i am not even really hungry... just shoving food in. why!!!!!

i need to find a way out of this slump and soon.
i did yoga last night which was very relaxing as usual. i ahve my run with Luaren tonight... so atleast my excercise isnt slipping.. if anything i am getting better on that front

i was even beginning to feel thinner and most of my clothes dont fit any more... so i know i had been doing somehting right.. and the best bit was all the whil i was ''dieting'' i never counted a single calorie/kilojoule/fat/point anything nothing. but i know now what i am eating is a) bad and b) waaaay too much

where has confident, brave, focused and determined Alphamare gone?

if you guys see her will you let me know?

for all those that are interested, if you follow this link you will see pictures taken at the end of the race. omg i actually cant belive how fat i look. i am sure i should look smaller than that. i am a size 16 not a bloody 216. awww *cries* ah well. oh and my trainers are made by Saucony. i dont know what the model is exactly must go back and check the box :-$ but they are for road running and are for over pronators. i thinki though that they are one of the GRID NITROUS shoes adn the link is the second after the pictures

http://www.marathon-photos.com/marathon.html?job=Sports%2FCPUK%2F2007%20Sports%2FGreat%20Winter%20Run;match=2279

http://www.saucony-running.com/acatalog/Grid_Nitrous.html

am not eating well. have been stressing. although the wieght has not crept up its been swinging between 13.11 and 14 stone. so thats a good sign.

tonight i have an hour and a half of yoga. (i went for a quick 2k jog this morning) and tomorrwo i am doing the run around arthurs seat again with Lauren. we are going to try and do this without stopping to walk this time :)

well whwre do i start?

Lets start with the rest of last week. Once again i have not lost any weight... i havent gained either... this may be a plateau but probably more likely due to that fact that i haven been paying much attention to what i eat, so i have maintained the same weight for three weeks now.... this is probably a good thing. I need to get my arse back in gear though and do something about the rest of it. NOt feeling so great right now though.

Sat was the race, i came in at ''Sat results: u were position 1697. ur time was 43.57 and ur 5k time was 42.37.'' (sent to me by my friend) She is unfitter than i am and we ran/walked at her pace rather than mine. but i prefered doing it with her than going ahead and maybe only doing it in 5min faster. she and i are now training parters and wed evenings we are going to run the same course (its very very hilly) and sun go for a long run together. which is nice
the other nice thing about it was the fact that i (who has never run with anyone else before in my life) was passing other ppl and that i am not the only one whose face goes red when i run

In other news i am feeling a little fragile atm having ''decided'' that uni is not for me for now and i have to decide what is and how to go about doing somehting with my life in the mean time, was going to make this a longer post but... meh

i think my brain has stopped functioning for now.... its gone into shock methinks :p

Why is it that when i feel like pigging out, i feel guilty. I knwo i havent pigged out and am only thinking about it... but i still feel as if i have run off and eaten five cakes! its now 11:30 and nearly lunch time. i have just had my morning snack of milk, an apple and two carrots. I duely went for my run this morning and had oats for breakfast. so i have started my day impeccably. But now i am just ''hungry''. you know the kind i mean, not actually hungry... but empty and ravenous. (the mental kind i suppose) nothing has happened today to make me feel like this... so i dont know how to deal with it. normally i would scoff many chips and choccies. but i dont have that option available to me any more. not if i want to win this battle against myself. I am hoping that if i write i out then the hunger will go away and i can feel in control again. I feel out of control for all that i ahve done nothing wrong. Its a good thing that you cant put wieght on by imagining food cause i would be a ten ton tessie by now! I know why i want to loose weight, i want to look and feel fanstastic, i want to be attractive to men, orr ather i want to feel attarctive and get my confidence back. And i dont want to sabotage myself. This running thing is great, i measure myself about once a month but the running manual says i should do it once a week so that i can really see the difference as my running fitness increases and the weight comes off. im glad i did because i have lost from the 1st jan to the 8th (i know weight and measure on a mon) i lost 2cm of my hips and 2 off my bum... and after three months originally on my diet i only ever losy about 6 cm each of both those areas. so SCORE!!! and i suppose the fact that i stayed the same on mon makes me feel like i have not achived anything which makes me more vulnerable to falling off the bus. I want results dammit :) I need to feel in control, and i know that i am in control... most of the time and that when i do slip up its nothing major. thankgoodness ''head'' food has no calories eh!!! I know for certain i dont want to be who i am now... i def dont want to be who i was three/four months ago... and i kinda like this girl who munches carrots and gets up at 6 when everyone else in the house is still asleep and goes outside and does some excercise. I need to give her a chance to become me... and then hopefully a sexy slinky body will follow!!

hope everone else is doing well

Today i got a compliament. One of the girls at work came up to me at the fountain and asked if i had been one a diet.... (she went on about being afraid to ask in case she sounded rude or like she was saying i had looked fat (lets face it, i did)) as i looked like i had lost stacks of weight. yay for me!

Went to buy new trainers on sat, at the specialist running shop in Edinburgh, i apparently over pronate which has cause the knee pain and the shinsplints. So i broke in the new trainers which felt like i wasnt waering shoes) but going for an 8k run in the rain last night. crappy rain, but i went anyway

and i finally bought a new bike and can pick it up on tues.

weighed myself this morning, the weight has stayed at 13.11 (which is excellent considering that weird jump up to 14.1 on thursday evening... note to self... you may onyl weigh yourself once a week for a good reason!!) and i ahve lost two cm off my hips and two off my bum... in a week

yay

I have decided to do the 5k race on sat wearing my pink halloween fairy wings!!! just for my ammusement. My timming chip? what is this? and race number arrived in the post and i ahev found out one of my friends is also running so i wont be alone... also yay

all is well(ish) on the eating front too... and so far bare a2 scoops of ice cream at the movies and a pice of choc cake at my mums brithday lucnh i have not fallen off the waggon in the slightest... i am sure there are healthier choices i could make some of the time... but baby steps

that is all

"What matters is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog."

and

"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or gazelle - when the sun comes up, you'd better be running."

So this marathon lark, which has always been a secret dream of mine (to one day run the Comrades marathon) but lets not bite off more than we can chew...yes!

i have been scouring the internets in search of tips, tricks, traning and motivation. am also off to buy a couple of books this evening after work. NOw most traning schedules that i have seen recomend three runs a week with one long run at the weekend (i am assuming this works on an amount of time available etc :D) so i am aiming to do my three runs a week and then a longer one at the weekend. But actually set out a routine for this because atm my running is very sporadic for although i run every two days or so... sometimes it doesnt happen for a whole week.

the other thing i would like is to be able to get it done in the morning. (i am currently sharing a room with my sister who hates being woken up, but i disturb her when i get up at seven... i will just try and get up quitely at six and have my running gear next to my bed) and since i want to make it a routine and cant run every day (well mon-fri type routine) then the sapre two days will be devoted to an hour of yoga practice instead.

So, monday - yoga
Tuesday - run (has to be this way round as i have a full yoga session at work on tues afternoon)
Wednesday - yoga
Thursday - Run
Friday - Run
and then a long run on sunday afternoon

Now i know i am putting two runs next to one another, but i dont think this should be too much of an issue? This question is aimed at the running types who read my blog :D

So first mini goal (besides going for a jog tonight) is to get up at six tomorow and go for a run. and the try it again on monday and then again on tuesday... etc until it becomes a habit.

I will not let this year be like all the others and fail. Just take it one step at a time in managebale chunks and slowly you will get there. I dont think i have ever been serious about my weightloss or excercise ever. I had it in my head that (besides fooling myslef that i am not that fat) if you dont really try you cant really fail.

Well as Dwight D. Eisenhower says "What matters is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog."

I may be an over weight labradoor on the outside, but inside is an energetic Jack Russel waiting to get out and fight. And the size of this dog is not going to hold me back any longer... the size of my fight is bigger than that.

Three cheers for weight loos
Three cheers for excercise
But above all that Three cheers for COURAGE and small dogs :D

I feel good today.

I got my first compliament. A guy i work with came round to wish me Happy Newy Years and we got discussing what we had done (or rather in my case what we hadnt... i was all dressed up ticket in hand to go to the Edinburgh Hogmanay Street Party, which i had not been to before and my sister was back home for it and everything and at the 11th hour (well actually the 9th) they cancelled it due to torrential rain and gale force winds) and what our resolutions are. and mine besides wanting to loose the last 3 stone 11 pounds (which makes the total todaye exactly a stone and a half) was to run a marathon by dec. To which he said i thought you were looking Trimmer. YAY go me!

Another thing on my forever growing to do list; besides the ironing,university applications, applying for the new job (promotion) at work, focusing on eating right, get to the gym etc etc is to get a full allergy test because somehting i am eating doesnt agree with me. and although i feel better when i am eating healthier (and i feel thinner and more confident too) but i still dont feel 100% so just want to get the possibility of any allergys checked out.

Whats on your to do lists?

I just went for the most AMAZING run! i did four miles (longest ever... which i didnt time as i hadnt planned on going so far, but i think it was pretty quick) and i didnt stop once. and there was no pain in my shins and my right knee didnt complain... WOOT!!!

eatingwise i have started the year on a foot, i dont know yet if it is a good or a bad one. I havent eaten anything too bad, no sweets or choccies... but i think i have eaten too much. but i am feeling quite calm and quite confident. I was craving toast and managed to put off eating the toast for a day.

weight wise i am now at lowest weight ever (see last post) and this is over the xmas and new years festivities... so yay. although my body hasnt changed, no centimeters lost or gained. thank goodness. now to just keep doing something right every day. 80/20. and one day at a time. if you think of a 'diet' as a hard thing that you have to do forever then you are doomed for failure. but if you just make the right decision the majority of the time and forgive yourself for falling off the wagon you are set. One day at a time, thats how the alcoholics do it, and it works.

for dinner i am having a bowl of low fat turkey stew. mmmmm

so a new year, a new outlook, i almost feel like a runner as opposed to the fat girl blobbing and puffing her way down the street... go me

New year new me?

Jumped on the scale this morning and i was 13.11 stone (my lowest weight so far) and a 2 pound (1kilo) loss from boxing day. I had thought me eating was out of control... and lets face it it was, but i had planned on enjoying it (ach who am i kidding... enough with the excuses!) i fell off the wagon... so weightloss is a huge added bonus.

But enough of trying to make excuses, i didnt excersise, when i could have, and i made very poor food choices, so although i am at my lowest weight... i feel fat! and its no ones fault but my own, yes my folks drive me nuts and dont always know the best method of handling me, yes my sister is little miss perfect etc etc etc... all bloody excuses. and having a poor me attitude helps no one least all myself.

They say that the only person anger hurts is us, no one else. so enough. its time to take control... and deal with my weight and the way i react to others by using food, as with anger... the only person who gets hurt is me. And they say the more you eat (badly) the more you want to eat... its a catch 22 situation and lets face it, its just going to make me fatter... and there is no need... just stop the bad choices and slowly get back on track.

Have started the year well eatingwise, i felt like a huge stack of toast but instead i had a low fat yogurt and half a melon and a banana.

Thank you all for your encouragement it helps a lot

good luck for 2007