Jumping On The Lard Bus

This is my diet blog, to help keep me on track, or on the lard loss bus anyway!

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Location: United Kingdom

This is just an ordinary blog about an ordinary person, someone who doesnt know what she wants to be when she grows up. Who changes her mind all the time. I am trying to find a balance in life. I am beginning once again on the road of life, this time armed with a 125cc Jinlun. A motorbike. Lets see where she takes me.

Friday, February 23, 2007

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be How I used to be,
yeah Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be

I have let myself go recently. and as a resulthave gained a few pounds and lost quite abit of condition that i had been building up. so looking a bit flabbier. and feeling flabbier.
And of course we all know that once the healthy eating habit slide its very hard to get back on that bus, and get rid of the unwanted flab. I dont have a spare tyre i have the whole damn car ;)
So yes bad eating habits make you tired and listless so you feel fat. you feel fat so you dont bother to excercise and eat helthily. the perfect catch twenty two if you will.

there is a little child inside of me screaming. 'BUT I WANT THE COOKIE' and i have totalyl forgotten how to silence her. she shouts so loud! and she is the one back in control. I suppose trying to loose weight really is like caring for a small spoiled child. its very hard to be in and stay in control, to drown out/ignore the demands and to sooth the screaming without resorting to violence (stuffing ones face with food) however if you happen to like small kids then this analogy wont work for you. but i suppose it is a case of letting my inner child feel pain and anger instead of letting her stuff it down with food as one is tempted (and has been doing) to do.

I need to stop being the person i hate, the one who makes excuses. I know that anything worth having is worth fighting for. i know that if i try and fail then the only one to blame is me. could i be that this is what is holding me back? fear of failure?

I felt what its like to be eating well and excercising consistently. the energy, the overall happiness. so why am i so afraid of starting again? there is no reason good enough to keep me living the way i am now.the only way to be happy is to choose to be happy. the only way to loose weight is to eat less, excercise more. its that simple (in theory :D)

This weekend i will finish unpacking and organising my room so that i have a clear and unclutetred space to be in. and then as of monday we begin again in ernest. (not that i will be slacking this weekend. oh no. a run tonight. room on sat. and recovering from sat night on sun :D
heck i gotta have a life too BUT this flabs gotta go.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

bored. and demotivated. still with the cold. so not much excercise has been done. and the eating. well now. thats gone to hell in a handbasket. full of crisps and choccies and lots of cake and second helpings of dinner. and bread.

why have i let myself go like this? i got on the scale at a full 3 pounds heaveir than my top of fluctuation range. then went back doqwn to the bottom. but meh. gotta do soemthign. maybe will write a nice long posy trying to talk myslef back out of the habits i am in now and back into the habits i had.

worst side effect is the lack of energy and motivation.
am running tonight around arthurs seat again. every wed (except v day) like clock work. so thats at leasta godo thing

also i am bored. and hate my job and until alst night didnt hav i-net at the new house. so now i can start job hunting. dunno for what kind of job yet. def not the same as what i am doing now. no way. then there wouldnt be any point leaving this one would there

hope everyone else is doing much better.

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Friday, February 16, 2007

I hate being sick. i hate not being able to excercise.

it has been a week since i last did anyhting physical and i am really feeling it. stiff... sort of soft and tense and sore muscles. lack of energy. tired. fuzzy. and completely bored and demotivated.

its liek newtons forst law ''Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it. ''

:)

stop the motion and thats it you have stopped. and that stop will continue until acted on by and external fource. its very easy to excercise when you are ecercising. but when you stop? its also very hard to start again. very hard! i am basically going to try and drag myself down to the gym today. because i need to. i am feeling fat. my cheeks have gotten a little puffy. i am sluggish and tired. and i can feel the softnes of my body as it looses the condition i was building up. and my self confidence is going down. *sigh*

and i need to egt eating habits back on track. fast! so for lent. in a bid to get myslef back on track. and hey,... its lent, so at leats its a sort of external motivator, kindof liek a competition (i am very competitive :p) so its good place to start.

my biggest waeknesses are bread and chocolate. so for lent i am giving up bread and chocolate. and hopefully that will kick that habit. it takes 30days to form a new habit. i am taking 40.

have been to demotivated due to being ill and tired and bored and *fuzzy in the head* to update.
so there it is :)

oh and valentinesday was good. ate pizza, ice cream, cookies and drank rose wine. good night was had by all (had a few friends over for movies) cause hey even though im single doesnt mean nobody loves me ;)

Monday, February 05, 2007

riht chances of this posting now are slim (as in sods law :p)

anyway i had news. but now i am just pissed off at blogger for ebing an arse about things.

weight: down 2 pounds (1kilo)
excercise is going well.

i now take the bus to work because its more convenient. how ever i will now be running in the moring to compensate for lack of cycling.

going to the gym tonight. met a nice guy in the pool.


there that was all the news more or less and rather compressed. i dont feel like typing it all over again thanks. stupid blogger :p boo.

riht chances of this posting now are slim (as in sods law :p)

anyway i had news. but now i am just pissed off at blogger for ebing an arse about things.

weight: down 2 pounds (1kilo)
excercise i going weel.

i now take the bus to work because its more convenient. how ever i will now be running in the moring to compensate for lack of cycling.

going to the gym tonight. met a nice guy in the pool.


there that was all the news more or less and rather compressed. i dont feel like typing it all over again thanks. stupid blogger :p boo.

test!

blogger is being a pain in the arse and has lost my post that i tried this kroning. i am not rewritiing it until i know its going to psot it properly otherwise i may cry from the frustration of it all.

i only like technology when the bloody thing works!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

well well. what a busy couple of days those were. packing and cleanign and lifting and carrying and more packing and lifting and hauling. we moved house. the new house is lovely. three bedrooms of which i am currently in the smallest, although my folks ahve renovation plans including extending into the loft, which is huge apprently. so i will then get their bedroom.

have been in the most amazing mood all week. have still been eating junk(ish) food. but less of it, and on the whole my eating habbits are righting themselves nicely. although since my new routine is fairly compliacted (and i struggle to eat in the morning, and only get home after 9/10 at night) i will now be having a protien/energy shake for 'breakfast' and 'dinner'.

typical mroning sees me up at 6:00 and cycling the 2.5 miels to the train station for 8:00 (leave at abotu 7:30. the cycle there i do in about 20-25min since i am in work clothes and dont want to get sweaty et al. the cycle home takes me two songs. ie about 6-8min. so i will have my suppliament shake, cycle and then eat breakfats cereal with milk/yogurt) when i get to work for 9ish. then lunch at 12. snack at 2. more substantial snack at 4ish. then gym. then a banana. then home. then a shake.

so lucnh will now be the 'main meal' of the day. again. which is good cause thats when i am hungriest.

Lauren and i did our Arthurs Seat run last night, we barely walked and maintained a nice jog all the way around. finished in about 40min. so w00t to us :D although i did have a rather nasty stitch.

i went to get weighed this morning as i can find my scales at home yet. (i am sure the are in a box 'somewhere'. and i have (according to them but then the last time i got weighed at work was 11/01) lost two pounds. am now back at 14stone. which is comforting after all the up and downing of my home scales. plus my thighs have lost some centimeters and my bum is getting a higher and slighly rounded look to it as oppsed to being large and wide :p

have hiphip then body pump tonight. and have suceeded in doing (exculding the cycling) on average an hour and half of excercise a day. am not feeling too tired or achy. just a nice dull pain that reminds me occasionally that i have been moving my arse. although the cycle this mroning was particularaly tough i did do it very quickly. may ahve a little rest this weekend. am out with some friends firday night. that should be fun.

am off to catch up on all your escapades
*hugs*

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