All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be How I used to be,
yeah Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be

I have let myself go recently. and as a resulthave gained a few pounds and lost quite abit of condition that i had been building up. so looking a bit flabbier. and feeling flabbier.
And of course we all know that once the healthy eating habit slide its very hard to get back on that bus, and get rid of the unwanted flab. I dont have a spare tyre i have the whole damn car ;)
So yes bad eating habits make you tired and listless so you feel fat. you feel fat so you dont bother to excercise and eat helthily. the perfect catch twenty two if you will.

there is a little child inside of me screaming. 'BUT I WANT THE COOKIE' and i have totalyl forgotten how to silence her. she shouts so loud! and she is the one back in control. I suppose trying to loose weight really is like caring for a small spoiled child. its very hard to be in and stay in control, to drown out/ignore the demands and to sooth the screaming without resorting to violence (stuffing ones face with food) however if you happen to like small kids then this analogy wont work for you. but i suppose it is a case of letting my inner child feel pain and anger instead of letting her stuff it down with food as one is tempted (and has been doing) to do.

I need to stop being the person i hate, the one who makes excuses. I know that anything worth having is worth fighting for. i know that if i try and fail then the only one to blame is me. could i be that this is what is holding me back? fear of failure?

I felt what its like to be eating well and excercising consistently. the energy, the overall happiness. so why am i so afraid of starting again? there is no reason good enough to keep me living the way i am now.the only way to be happy is to choose to be happy. the only way to loose weight is to eat less, excercise more. its that simple (in theory :D)

This weekend i will finish unpacking and organising my room so that i have a clear and unclutetred space to be in. and then as of monday we begin again in ernest. (not that i will be slacking this weekend. oh no. a run tonight. room on sat. and recovering from sat night on sun :D
heck i gotta have a life too BUT this flabs gotta go.