Why is it that when i feel like pigging out, i feel guilty. I knwo i havent pigged out and am only thinking about it... but i still feel as if i have run off and eaten five cakes! its now 11:30 and nearly lunch time. i have just had my morning snack of milk, an apple and two carrots. I duely went for my run this morning and had oats for breakfast. so i have started my day impeccably. But now i am just ''hungry''. you know the kind i mean, not actually hungry... but empty and ravenous. (the mental kind i suppose) nothing has happened today to make me feel like this... so i dont know how to deal with it. normally i would scoff many chips and choccies. but i dont have that option available to me any more. not if i want to win this battle against myself. I am hoping that if i write i out then the hunger will go away and i can feel in control again. I feel out of control for all that i ahve done nothing wrong. Its a good thing that you cant put wieght on by imagining food cause i would be a ten ton tessie by now! I know why i want to loose weight, i want to look and feel fanstastic, i want to be attractive to men, orr ather i want to feel attarctive and get my confidence back. And i dont want to sabotage myself. This running thing is great, i measure myself about once a month but the running manual says i should do it once a week so that i can really see the difference as my running fitness increases and the weight comes off. im glad i did because i have lost from the 1st jan to the 8th (i know weight and measure on a mon) i lost 2cm of my hips and 2 off my bum... and after three months originally on my diet i only ever losy about 6 cm each of both those areas. so SCORE!!! and i suppose the fact that i stayed the same on mon makes me feel like i have not achived anything which makes me more vulnerable to falling off the bus. I want results dammit :) I need to feel in control, and i know that i am in control... most of the time and that when i do slip up its nothing major. thankgoodness ''head'' food has no calories eh!!! I know for certain i dont want to be who i am now... i def dont want to be who i was three/four months ago... and i kinda like this girl who munches carrots and gets up at 6 when everyone else in the house is still asleep and goes outside and does some excercise. I need to give her a chance to become me... and then hopefully a sexy slinky body will follow!!

hope everone else is doing well