Right, new life begins on the 01/01/07 :P i actually dont like making new years resolutions, but this seems to be a good day as any to catch my lard loss bus.... i may have to run to catch it as it goes speeding passed me! but i will do it, i will! I know why i became fat, i was lonely and unhappy and felt unloved, so i filled the gap with food.... and boy was it a gap, more like the great rift valley actually! lol. But the thing that gets to me the most, after all the hard work i have done, and yes i am acnowleding the fact that i have done bloody well, because even though i pigged out these last couple of weeks.... my new size 16 jeans still fit, BOTH PAIRS! :D But as i was saying, the thing that get to me are the diet police. I didnt tell any one that i was starting my diet until they actually began to notice the weightloss, 1)because no one would believe that this time i would actually do it and 2) because i dont want/need the diet police on my back. IT DOESNT HELP GUYS!

when i came back from my first term in boarding school, having survided all the bullying and ostracism (buy eating) i came home and ate.... and instead of trying to find out why her normally happy child started eating like a rabbid starving wolf, my mother just tried to control what i ate and i had to live with 'where has the last packet of biscuts gone?' 'you cant just eat that' ' you shouldn eat that' 'havent you had enough' no mum i bloody hadnt

the valley wouldnt have been so large and unmanageable if you had filled it with kind words, compassion and just a little bit of love... instead you donned the diet poilce uniform.

so i didnt tell any one because i didnt want my mum or dad (who are notoriuos for doing this) saying 'should you be eating that?' its no wonder all my pigging out happens in secret because then its only my guilt trips i have to deal with. the diet police actually make it worse.... the minute someone says 'should you be eating tha' i want to reach for another... nope screw that... the whole packet of what ever it i was eating.

and hey i lost a whole stone on my own and can now run 5ks with out dying... what have you done? maybe that cookie, or piece of choc, or cake was my treat... and i was ALLOWED it... but you just ruined the moment and turned it into a power struggle... i have enough of a power struggle with myself thank you very much! and i do know that its just my folks trying to help and show support.... but really... its not helping and they dont seem to get it when i tell the just to bog off. i did it on my own when the wernt look what makes them think that i cant carry on?

when people started noticing my weightloss one guy commented 'you must have very good will power' and i said to him, yes i do: i will eat the second helping, i will eat the chocolate family sized bar, i will finish the cookies.... of course my will power is good.... its actually my wont power that i am working on. I WONT give into that tempation, I WONT eat the second cookie, I WONT talk myself out of going to the gym, for that run/walk. Its my WONT power i have been so good with!

so to every one who reads this, i hope that your new year starts with increadible focus, determination, and that your WONT power doesnt let you down! let the voice of the WONT be the strongest for 2007. and until then.... for those that have fallen off the wagon (like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee) enjoy it otherwise the guilt will just be another stumbling block when you do come down from the sugar high. so enjoy it up there, because lets face it the view is great! :D

goodluck for 2007 guys, i hope its everything you ever dreamed of