Jumping On The Lard Bus

2007-04-20T18:09:00.000+01:00

well its been about three weeks since my last post and wondering if anyone still reads this here is an update...

i have now joined the adult world and turned 21 on the 15th of april, though it really wasnt what i was hping for. a good time may have been nice. i went home for the weekned and a friend came all the way from london to see me and the whole weekend was dissapointing. pity. ah well.

am eating badly agin though i did have my first lesson yesterday. since i am riding morgans that were show horse the least i can do is learn the way that they are used to. and next lesson is tomorrow. thats good soo lorraine and i can ride together (she is being taught to ride where as i already know)

anyway soon to be very busy again with show season and longer days due to riding so hopefully some weight will shift and i will get my groove back.
:D

2007-03-31T18:27:00.000+01:00

thought i would write again quickly while i wait for one of the guys to get back so that i can put on the dinner.

i am feeling so good about things and am constantly moving all day and dont really have any snacks during the day. i eat a good breakfast and a good lucnh and dinner and i dont even seem to get hungry anymore.

what a differnce being happy makes. and weirdly i wasnt this happy when i started but i talked my self to this place and i take joy in everyday!! the sun, the work, the people. if i could bottle this feeling and sell it then i would make millions ;)

though i do need to eat more fruit and veg. i still have some raisins and oranges left so will munch on those till monday. and this time i will eat the fruit i buy in town before it starts going off.

2007-03-27T19:16:00.000+01:00

i bought a pair of size 14 jeans the other day. and they fir me. and my very tight 16s are beginning to slip down all the time.

last night i went for a run with Lorrainkie which is one of the girls i live with.

there is also a rather yummy guy too. though i blatently dont think im his type. still he is yummy.

been eating well. no pigging out since there really isnt anytime. just need to get working harder and excersing more and will be sorted. :D

2007-03-21T20:56:00.000Z

i have seven minutes till i have to lock the office and do night check so i will write what i can. I am currently very ill. flu or something. damn i had gone the whole winterwith just the one cold. bugger. ah well the fresh air helps. tis better thatn being in a office.

the days here are very long. up at seven and we only finish work at 3:30 at the earliest.
i have yet to ride beacuse the horsy i like is still lame from being geleded.
i work with one gelding and 2 stallions. ones a breeding stallion and the other is a show horse. he and i are still trying to come to terms with the fatc that i am supposed to be the boss.

i couldnt bring myscale. no room. but there is one here and it says i am 85kilos. so thats down from the 90. but i allow for fluctuatiosn in the scales. though i look smaller in the mirror. eating hasnt been in check or anything but it hasnt been out there either. we all eat dinner togetehr and take tunrs in cooking. lunch and breakie we sort our selves out. have been taking great joy in 'feeding myself' lol.

so it is fun. i have been tired. and now i am sick. we get to use the office internet after work but genrally have to wait till after dinner by when im knakered. we have monday off.

will post sooner that i have been.

have done no excersise wxcept owrk because i fell last friday and damaged my ankle. motion is fine. the sacry swollen bruising is worrying. ah well
night check. cheers all

2007-03-08T07:34:00.000Z

well i finihed up at work yesterday. i was ment to end on friday but my boss decided that since neither she nor the guy we PA to will be there from today i may as well finish. which was nice but also weird. was not mentally prepared to go but meh. as is. i got a card, cash and some earings. having a leaving night pub crawl thing on fri. lots of alcohol woop woop.

I really must drag myself out for some excercise. i may do a bike ride to the train station that i near my house. nay a run even since its only about 2miles away. and then another sort of on sat? depends on the hang over. and def one on mon morning because of being cooped up on a train for most of the day.

many other stuffies to do like shopping foe toiletries, socks, sports bras for working in and shirts. all pretty yawnfestive but gotta be done.

i am glad the eating is back to 'normal' tis not great yet but i really am looking forward to fending for me and only me. makes a huge difference in terms of control and will power and just for some reason seems to work for me

really i should be feeling nervous about the whole thing. but im not. off for a run... right now infact :D

2007-03-07T10:48:00.000Z

ok weirdness. that blog did not post. though i thought it looked funny when i opened up the apge and the posting/setting tabs were in the actual post content box. ay well it wasnt a long post anyway

just wanted to say that my new riding gear arrived and i am not the largest size in jodpers. also that i will have access to the good ol internet and will endeavour to post regularly. oh and the scale has started creaping down againa dna i am back at 13.13 woop woop.

2007-03-05T16:03:00.000Z

Well this is it folks.

I move to Hereford. Bravest thing i have done in a while TBH. the eatign seems to be back in a semblance of control. im just not evry hungry. I am also drinking a lot of water agin. though have now done no excersise in a while. *gulp* me thinks i will be fairly still for new job. Must go for a few runs before i go. probably tonight (maybe) wed, friday morning as i have a late night on Friday due to leaving do with ppl from work, and sunday so that ia m not totally stiff on the train.

i think i must run tonight cause i am at the point when sitting actually hurts me. :(
am feeling majorly homesick toaty and surprisingly i am not eating everything i can get my hands on. progress i think.

I hope the new job is as busy and physical as i think it will be. as that will get me off the habit of sitting on my arse eating things. and moving all day.
i am taking my bike and my running gear down with me. though this will make changing trains (which has to be done twice) very difficult. ah well. it gives me a semblance of freedom and travel ability.

i think i am looking forward to it although today i feel very down and homesick.

the wieght seems to be staying the same still which means i am continuing to maintain. also a good thing. i will be taking my scale down with me and will establish a weighday instead of jumping on it randomly.

night all

2007-03-01T11:00:00.000Z

Hi all. sorry have been very slack about the posting.

The weight has stabilised again and although i havent caught the lard bus i am now sitting at the stop waiting for it. :D i have not had a chocolate or 'overeaten' in a few days. which is great as i actualyl havent felt very hungry.

The big news though is that horpfully *fingers crossed* i will soon be posting to you from Hereford. which is nearish London and nearish Wales. I applied and am being considered for a job as a girl groom. this is ideal for me as it leaves time to write my book, its totally physical and i wont have time for snacking and chocolate. It also is NOT BORING!!! yay. and i love horses. and it fits nicely in the 18months or so that i need to pass before i can go off to uni. plus being live in i can save a stack of money towards uni fees.

and think of the weightloss possibility. *grinning for ear to ear btw*

it all depends on how her (prosective boss) chat goes with the other her (current boss = cow although she deont know that i hate her) hopeing nice things are said. that said however they ahve offered me a one month trial on the basis of my emails alone. :D hireing me sight unseen

The best bit about the job is that i share accomodation with the other satble girls and they are South Africans. oh and the fact that i get to be outside is good too.

heres hopeing that the enxt post is from Hereford

2007-02-23T12:10:00.000Z

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be How I used to be,
yeah Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be

I have let myself go recently. and as a resulthave gained a few pounds and lost quite abit of condition that i had been building up. so looking a bit flabbier. and feeling flabbier.
And of course we all know that once the healthy eating habit slide its very hard to get back on that bus, and get rid of the unwanted flab. I dont have a spare tyre i have the whole damn car ;)
So yes bad eating habits make you tired and listless so you feel fat. you feel fat so you dont bother to excercise and eat helthily. the perfect catch twenty two if you will.

there is a little child inside of me screaming. 'BUT I WANT THE COOKIE' and i have totalyl forgotten how to silence her. she shouts so loud! and she is the one back in control. I suppose trying to loose weight really is like caring for a small spoiled child. its very hard to be in and stay in control, to drown out/ignore the demands and to sooth the screaming without resorting to violence (stuffing ones face with food) however if you happen to like small kids then this analogy wont work for you. but i suppose it is a case of letting my inner child feel pain and anger instead of letting her stuff it down with food as one is tempted (and has been doing) to do.

I need to stop being the person i hate, the one who makes excuses. I know that anything worth having is worth fighting for. i know that if i try and fail then the only one to blame is me. could i be that this is what is holding me back? fear of failure?

I felt what its like to be eating well and excercising consistently. the energy, the overall happiness. so why am i so afraid of starting again? there is no reason good enough to keep me living the way i am now.the only way to be happy is to choose to be happy. the only way to loose weight is to eat less, excercise more. its that simple (in theory :D)

This weekend i will finish unpacking and organising my room so that i have a clear and unclutetred space to be in. and then as of monday we begin again in ernest. (not that i will be slacking this weekend. oh no. a run tonight. room on sat. and recovering from sat night on sun :D
heck i gotta have a life too BUT this flabs gotta go.

2007-02-21T11:44:00.000Z

bored. and demotivated. still with the cold. so not much excercise has been done. and the eating. well now. thats gone to hell in a handbasket. full of crisps and choccies and lots of cake and second helpings of dinner. and bread.

why have i let myself go like this? i got on the scale at a full 3 pounds heaveir than my top of fluctuation range. then went back doqwn to the bottom. but meh. gotta do soemthign. maybe will write a nice long posy trying to talk myslef back out of the habits i am in now and back into the habits i had.

worst side effect is the lack of energy and motivation.
am running tonight around arthurs seat again. every wed (except v day) like clock work. so thats at leasta godo thing

also i am bored. and hate my job and until alst night didnt hav i-net at the new house. so now i can start job hunting. dunno for what kind of job yet. def not the same as what i am doing now. no way. then there wouldnt be any point leaving this one would there

hope everyone else is doing much better.

2007-02-16T15:21:00.001Z

I hate being sick. i hate not being able to excercise.

it has been a week since i last did anyhting physical and i am really feeling it. stiff... sort of soft and tense and sore muscles. lack of energy. tired. fuzzy. and completely bored and demotivated.

its liek newtons forst law ''Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it. ''

:)

stop the motion and thats it you have stopped. and that stop will continue until acted on by and external fource. its very easy to excercise when you are ecercising. but when you stop? its also very hard to start again. very hard! i am basically going to try and drag myself down to the gym today. because i need to. i am feeling fat. my cheeks have gotten a little puffy. i am sluggish and tired. and i can feel the softnes of my body as it looses the condition i was building up. and my self confidence is going down. *sigh*

and i need to egt eating habits back on track. fast! so for lent. in a bid to get myslef back on track. and hey,... its lent, so at leats its a sort of external motivator, kindof liek a competition (i am very competitive :p) so its good place to start.

my biggest waeknesses are bread and chocolate. so for lent i am giving up bread and chocolate. and hopefully that will kick that habit. it takes 30days to form a new habit. i am taking 40.

have been to demotivated due to being ill and tired and bored and *fuzzy in the head* to update.
so there it is :)

oh and valentinesday was good. ate pizza, ice cream, cookies and drank rose wine. good night was had by all (had a few friends over for movies) cause hey even though im single doesnt mean nobody loves me ;)

2007-02-05T14:56:00.001Z

riht chances of this posting now are slim (as in sods law :p)

anyway i had news. but now i am just pissed off at blogger for ebing an arse about things.

weight: down 2 pounds (1kilo)
excercise is going well.

i now take the bus to work because its more convenient. how ever i will now be running in the moring to compensate for lack of cycling.

going to the gym tonight. met a nice guy in the pool.

there that was all the news more or less and rather compressed. i dont feel like typing it all over again thanks. stupid blogger :p boo.

2007-02-05T14:56:00.000Z

riht chances of this posting now are slim (as in sods law :p)

anyway i had news. but now i am just pissed off at blogger for ebing an arse about things.

weight: down 2 pounds (1kilo)
excercise i going weel.

i now take the bus to work because its more convenient. how ever i will now be running in the moring to compensate for lack of cycling.

going to the gym tonight. met a nice guy in the pool.

there that was all the news more or less and rather compressed. i dont feel like typing it all over again thanks. stupid blogger :p boo.

2007-02-05T14:53:00.000Z

test!

blogger is being a pain in the arse and has lost my post that i tried this kroning. i am not rewritiing it until i know its going to psot it properly otherwise i may cry from the frustration of it all.

i only like technology when the bloody thing works!

2007-02-01T10:40:00.000Z

well well. what a busy couple of days those were. packing and cleanign and lifting and carrying and more packing and lifting and hauling. we moved house. the new house is lovely. three bedrooms of which i am currently in the smallest, although my folks ahve renovation plans including extending into the loft, which is huge apprently. so i will then get their bedroom.

have been in the most amazing mood all week. have still been eating junk(ish) food. but less of it, and on the whole my eating habbits are righting themselves nicely. although since my new routine is fairly compliacted (and i struggle to eat in the morning, and only get home after 9/10 at night) i will now be having a protien/energy shake for 'breakfast' and 'dinner'.

typical mroning sees me up at 6:00 and cycling the 2.5 miels to the train station for 8:00 (leave at abotu 7:30. the cycle there i do in about 20-25min since i am in work clothes and dont want to get sweaty et al. the cycle home takes me two songs. ie about 6-8min. so i will have my suppliament shake, cycle and then eat breakfats cereal with milk/yogurt) when i get to work for 9ish. then lunch at 12. snack at 2. more substantial snack at 4ish. then gym. then a banana. then home. then a shake.

so lucnh will now be the 'main meal' of the day. again. which is good cause thats when i am hungriest.

Lauren and i did our Arthurs Seat run last night, we barely walked and maintained a nice jog all the way around. finished in about 40min. so w00t to us :D although i did have a rather nasty stitch.

i went to get weighed this morning as i can find my scales at home yet. (i am sure the are in a box 'somewhere'. and i have (according to them but then the last time i got weighed at work was 11/01) lost two pounds. am now back at 14stone. which is comforting after all the up and downing of my home scales. plus my thighs have lost some centimeters and my bum is getting a higher and slighly rounded look to it as oppsed to being large and wide :p

have hiphip then body pump tonight. and have suceeded in doing (exculding the cycling) on average an hour and half of excercise a day. am not feeling too tired or achy. just a nice dull pain that reminds me occasionally that i have been moving my arse. although the cycle this mroning was particularaly tough i did do it very quickly. may ahve a little rest this weekend. am out with some friends firday night. that should be fun.

am off to catch up on all your escapades
*hugs*

2007-01-26T09:44:00.000Z

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck.One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

IN other news. i missed the body pump class due to a very slow bus driver. to the extent that i was imagining walking down and saying to him 'can i introduce you to some one? SECOND GEAR' so i went on the treadmill and did a fitness test. apprently i am level 0. hmmm. oh and my VO2 max is 58.7. i dont really understand this. then i did some weights on the machines.
then in the evning was hiphop for beginners. i dont have much coordination so i struggled a bit but i have got most of the moves, will do one more before i attempt a proper class. tonight is the half hour bodypump technique class and after that i have an hour of yoga. we move house this weekend so no excercise for me until sun when i go for a long run with Lauren. last sun we did 8miles. w00t. scales are doing scary fluctuation things. last night 13.10 this morning 14.3 that is half stone difference. gulp. weird

2007-01-24T10:36:00.001Z

ok long post ahead.

Right lets break this down. I know why i am feeling shitty, im a) tired b) not eating well c) its that time of the month grrr snarl etc d) its winter e) im bored f) i dont like that way my body feels g) i think i am getting a cold. h) not enough excercise

so what can i do about it? Ok.... golden rules coming up.

a) try and get a decent nights sleep. go to bed relatively early
1) be in bed no later than 11pm on a *shcool night*
2) deep breathing for 15min before bed. after 15min meditation

b) eat well. duh
1) take your multi vit, Fish oils and glucosamine daily.
2) get at least five a day, three fruits and two or more vegg
3) lean protien
4) skim milk at least one glass and a yogurt daily
5) eat Meal-snack-meal-snack-meal
6) NO processed foods, including but not limited too; biccis, cakes, chocolate, bread

c) not much, wait it out and perhaps get a hot water bottle for the pain
all the excersise and eating weel will certainl help, the way i have be treating my body the last few weeks. have not

d) yeah lets face it im not god
1) get outside for some air every day.
2) use the sunrise simulator alarm and use the SAD light thingy

e) get a new job. take some courses
1) begin new job search
2) look into night classes
3) make a decision and stick with it

f) do b and h and perhaps be nice to yourself once in a while
1) have a pamaper session once a week, on sun. sit in the bath, do the whole hair, nails, face shebang.
2) meditate for 15min every evening before bed.
3) try not to get stressed. sounds stupid but this is for the 20year old who has/had a stomach ulcer
4) dont use fat to protect youself... use excercise to build a strong agile body instead

g) do a, b, f and possible wrap up warmer.
1) yep, eat well and excercise and remain helathy. although with the way this offces has been dropping like flies then i am doing pretty weel to just ahve a sniffle, a headache and be a little tired. w00t to me

h) run, yoga gym classes etc. take it seriously
1) ok the week will look something like this w:weights cv:cardio vascular s:streatching
Mon:
6:30-7:30 Run CV
18:00-19:00 Aqua CV
19:30-19:30 Body Pump W
Tues:
16:30-18:00 Yoga S
19:00-20:00 Body Attack CV
Wed:
19:00-20:00 Run Arthurs Seat with Lauren CV
Thurs:
06:45-07:45 Body Pump W
18:30-19:30 Hip Hop CV
Fri:
06:45-07:45 Group Cycle CV
Sat:
10:00-11:00 Body Pump W
12:15-13:15 hip hop CV
13:30-14:30 Body Balance S
Sun:
long run with lauren CV

now this is designed like this so that i can cut out classes as and when necessary. but at least this way my week has some sort of structure to it. Fruday will probably end up being my rest day. and i may ditcha classes on saturday in favour of a bike ride. i have a lovely new bike
this way i have CV:8-10 sessions W:3 sessions of Body Pump puls any extra i do on my own S:and 2 streatching sessions a week.

although this may need serious re-jigging. and i will substitute weights and streatching for some of the CV work.

so thats the plan.

feeling much better today. i think :D
I know that i feel fat and ugly. and i also know that i can do something about it. so i will. as described above i will follow these very easy steps.
1) excercise. lots. the benefits of excerices have been proved by sicentists :p
2) cut out junk food
3) take vitamins
4) get enough sleep
5) have some me time; meditate, beautify etc
6) read blogs, update mine

*go Alphamare Go*

ps my back hurts and i probably should have gone to yoga last night but decided to skip it instead. *kicks self up the behind* i have my %k run with Lauren tonight up Arthurs seat. yay. its really pretty up there. in other news we move this weekend.

i wonder if i can fit some swimming in that schedule any where. hmmm

2007-01-22T14:26:00.000Z

At work. Bored. Depressed. am also relly pissed off at myslef. I chewed my fingernails today. i havent done that in a looong time. months. oops.

went for a very long run with lauren last night. 8miles. we didnt much feel in the mood so we ran/walked the whole thing. ah well

i suppose it reflects everything in my life atm. its all a half arsed effort.

yesterday i was fine. today i am in a shitty mood. thankfully my boss is off ill and i dont have to deal with her today. yawn.

what the hell now?

ah well, we move house next weekend... and then once we have i will be able to have pets again, so thank goodness for small blessings. in an attempt to boraden my horizons, widen my cirlce of friends (something like that) i have joined a psychology/philosophy discusssion group. i am also going to sign up for art classes/and art group when i can find one.

and find a new job, and start the courses i want to do so that i wont be stuck where i am now for the rest of my life.

i think i need to sleep more :)

hope everyone else is doingwell on the diet/excercise/life front

2007-01-17T16:02:00.000Z

total and utter coulnd care less'ness'

i am so tired and run down. and its my fault for eating junky food for the last 2/3 weeks. i didnt pig out much over xmas... but now i am making up for lost time or somehting...get a grip woman!!!

i hate my job it bores me silly. have gone back to eating chocs and crisps and bread. i know i must now be putting weight on because the scale went yp to 14.1 today...a dn my cheeks and chin (which had lost most of the blub) are getting soft and squidgy.

i am not even really hungry... just shoving food in. why!!!!!

i need to find a way out of this slump and soon.
i did yoga last night which was very relaxing as usual. i ahve my run with Luaren tonight... so atleast my excercise isnt slipping.. if anything i am getting better on that front

i was even beginning to feel thinner and most of my clothes dont fit any more... so i know i had been doing somehting right.. and the best bit was all the whil i was ''dieting'' i never counted a single calorie/kilojoule/fat/point anything nothing. but i know now what i am eating is a) bad and b) waaaay too much

where has confident, brave, focused and determined Alphamare gone?

if you guys see her will you let me know?

2007-01-16T10:00:00.000Z

for all those that are interested, if you follow this link you will see pictures taken at the end of the race. omg i actually cant belive how fat i look. i am sure i should look smaller than that. i am a size 16 not a bloody 216. awww *cries* ah well. oh and my trainers are made by Saucony. i dont know what the model is exactly must go back and check the box :-$ but they are for road running and are for over pronators. i thinki though that they are one of the GRID NITROUS shoes adn the link is the second after the pictures

http://www.marathon-photos.com/marathon.html?job=Sports%2FCPUK%2F2007%20Sports%2FGreat%20Winter%20Run;match=2279

http://www.saucony-running.com/acatalog/Grid_Nitrous.html

am not eating well. have been stressing. although the wieght has not crept up its been swinging between 13.11 and 14 stone. so thats a good sign.

tonight i have an hour and a half of yoga. (i went for a quick 2k jog this morning) and tomorrwo i am doing the run around arthurs seat again with Lauren. we are going to try and do this without stopping to walk this time :)

2007-01-15T11:14:00.000Z

well whwre do i start?

Lets start with the rest of last week. Once again i have not lost any weight... i havent gained either... this may be a plateau but probably more likely due to that fact that i haven been paying much attention to what i eat, so i have maintained the same weight for three weeks now.... this is probably a good thing. I need to get my arse back in gear though and do something about the rest of it. NOt feeling so great right now though.

Sat was the race, i came in at ''Sat results: u were position 1697. ur time was 43.57 and ur 5k time was 42.37.'' (sent to me by my friend) She is unfitter than i am and we ran/walked at her pace rather than mine. but i prefered doing it with her than going ahead and maybe only doing it in 5min faster. she and i are now training parters and wed evenings we are going to run the same course (its very very hilly) and sun go for a long run together. which is nice
the other nice thing about it was the fact that i (who has never run with anyone else before in my life) was passing other ppl and that i am not the only one whose face goes red when i run

In other news i am feeling a little fragile atm having ''decided'' that uni is not for me for now and i have to decide what is and how to go about doing somehting with my life in the mean time, was going to make this a longer post but... meh

i think my brain has stopped functioning for now.... its gone into shock methinks :p

2007-01-10T11:33:00.000Z

Why is it that when i feel like pigging out, i feel guilty. I knwo i havent pigged out and am only thinking about it... but i still feel as if i have run off and eaten five cakes! its now 11:30 and nearly lunch time. i have just had my morning snack of milk, an apple and two carrots. I duely went for my run this morning and had oats for breakfast. so i have started my day impeccably. But now i am just ''hungry''. you know the kind i mean, not actually hungry... but empty and ravenous. (the mental kind i suppose) nothing has happened today to make me feel like this... so i dont know how to deal with it. normally i would scoff many chips and choccies. but i dont have that option available to me any more. not if i want to win this battle against myself. I am hoping that if i write i out then the hunger will go away and i can feel in control again. I feel out of control for all that i ahve done nothing wrong. Its a good thing that you cant put wieght on by imagining food cause i would be a ten ton tessie by now! I know why i want to loose weight, i want to look and feel fanstastic, i want to be attractive to men, orr ather i want to feel attarctive and get my confidence back. And i dont want to sabotage myself. This running thing is great, i measure myself about once a month but the running manual says i should do it once a week so that i can really see the difference as my running fitness increases and the weight comes off. im glad i did because i have lost from the 1st jan to the 8th (i know weight and measure on a mon) i lost 2cm of my hips and 2 off my bum... and after three months originally on my diet i only ever losy about 6 cm each of both those areas. so SCORE!!! and i suppose the fact that i stayed the same on mon makes me feel like i have not achived anything which makes me more vulnerable to falling off the bus. I want results dammit :) I need to feel in control, and i know that i am in control... most of the time and that when i do slip up its nothing major. thankgoodness ''head'' food has no calories eh!!! I know for certain i dont want to be who i am now... i def dont want to be who i was three/four months ago... and i kinda like this girl who munches carrots and gets up at 6 when everyone else in the house is still asleep and goes outside and does some excercise. I need to give her a chance to become me... and then hopefully a sexy slinky body will follow!!

hope everone else is doing well

2007-01-08T13:10:00.000Z

Today i got a compliament. One of the girls at work came up to me at the fountain and asked if i had been one a diet.... (she went on about being afraid to ask in case she sounded rude or like she was saying i had looked fat (lets face it, i did)) as i looked like i had lost stacks of weight. yay for me!

Went to buy new trainers on sat, at the specialist running shop in Edinburgh, i apparently over pronate which has cause the knee pain and the shinsplints. So i broke in the new trainers which felt like i wasnt waering shoes) but going for an 8k run in the rain last night. crappy rain, but i went anyway

and i finally bought a new bike and can pick it up on tues.

weighed myself this morning, the weight has stayed at 13.11 (which is excellent considering that weird jump up to 14.1 on thursday evening... note to self... you may onyl weigh yourself once a week for a good reason!!) and i ahve lost two cm off my hips and two off my bum... in a week

yay

I have decided to do the 5k race on sat wearing my pink halloween fairy wings!!! just for my ammusement. My timming chip? what is this? and race number arrived in the post and i ahev found out one of my friends is also running so i wont be alone... also yay

all is well(ish) on the eating front too... and so far bare a2 scoops of ice cream at the movies and a pice of choc cake at my mums brithday lucnh i have not fallen off the waggon in the slightest... i am sure there are healthier choices i could make some of the time... but baby steps

that is all

2007-01-04T11:21:00.000Z

"What matters is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog."

and

"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or gazelle - when the sun comes up, you'd better be running."

So this marathon lark, which has always been a secret dream of mine (to one day run the Comrades marathon) but lets not bite off more than we can chew...yes!

i have been scouring the internets in search of tips, tricks, traning and motivation. am also off to buy a couple of books this evening after work. NOw most traning schedules that i have seen recomend three runs a week with one long run at the weekend (i am assuming this works on an amount of time available etc :D) so i am aiming to do my three runs a week and then a longer one at the weekend. But actually set out a routine for this because atm my running is very sporadic for although i run every two days or so... sometimes it doesnt happen for a whole week.

the other thing i would like is to be able to get it done in the morning. (i am currently sharing a room with my sister who hates being woken up, but i disturb her when i get up at seven... i will just try and get up quitely at six and have my running gear next to my bed) and since i want to make it a routine and cant run every day (well mon-fri type routine) then the sapre two days will be devoted to an hour of yoga practice instead.

So, monday - yoga
Tuesday - run (has to be this way round as i have a full yoga session at work on tues afternoon)
Wednesday - yoga
Thursday - Run
Friday - Run
and then a long run on sunday afternoon

Now i know i am putting two runs next to one another, but i dont think this should be too much of an issue? This question is aimed at the running types who read my blog :D

So first mini goal (besides going for a jog tonight) is to get up at six tomorow and go for a run. and the try it again on monday and then again on tuesday... etc until it becomes a habit.

I will not let this year be like all the others and fail. Just take it one step at a time in managebale chunks and slowly you will get there. I dont think i have ever been serious about my weightloss or excercise ever. I had it in my head that (besides fooling myslef that i am not that fat) if you dont really try you cant really fail.

Well as Dwight D. Eisenhower says "What matters is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog."

I may be an over weight labradoor on the outside, but inside is an energetic Jack Russel waiting to get out and fight. And the size of this dog is not going to hold me back any longer... the size of my fight is bigger than that.

Three cheers for weight loos
Three cheers for excercise
But above all that Three cheers for COURAGE and small dogs :D

2007-01-03T11:32:00.000Z

I feel good today.

I got my first compliament. A guy i work with came round to wish me Happy Newy Years and we got discussing what we had done (or rather in my case what we hadnt... i was all dressed up ticket in hand to go to the Edinburgh Hogmanay Street Party, which i had not been to before and my sister was back home for it and everything and at the 11th hour (well actually the 9th) they cancelled it due to torrential rain and gale force winds) and what our resolutions are. and mine besides wanting to loose the last 3 stone 11 pounds (which makes the total todaye exactly a stone and a half) was to run a marathon by dec. To which he said i thought you were looking Trimmer. YAY go me!

Another thing on my forever growing to do list; besides the ironing,university applications, applying for the new job (promotion) at work, focusing on eating right, get to the gym etc etc is to get a full allergy test because somehting i am eating doesnt agree with me. and although i feel better when i am eating healthier (and i feel thinner and more confident too) but i still dont feel 100% so just want to get the possibility of any allergys checked out.

Whats on your to do lists?

2007-01-02T18:19:00.000Z

I just went for the most AMAZING run! i did four miles (longest ever... which i didnt time as i hadnt planned on going so far, but i think it was pretty quick) and i didnt stop once. and there was no pain in my shins and my right knee didnt complain... WOOT!!!

eatingwise i have started the year on a foot, i dont know yet if it is a good or a bad one. I havent eaten anything too bad, no sweets or choccies... but i think i have eaten too much. but i am feeling quite calm and quite confident. I was craving toast and managed to put off eating the toast for a day.

weight wise i am now at lowest weight ever (see last post) and this is over the xmas and new years festivities... so yay. although my body hasnt changed, no centimeters lost or gained. thank goodness. now to just keep doing something right every day. 80/20. and one day at a time. if you think of a 'diet' as a hard thing that you have to do forever then you are doomed for failure. but if you just make the right decision the majority of the time and forgive yourself for falling off the wagon you are set. One day at a time, thats how the alcoholics do it, and it works.

for dinner i am having a bowl of low fat turkey stew. mmmmm

so a new year, a new outlook, i almost feel like a runner as opposed to the fat girl blobbing and puffing her way down the street... go me

2007-01-01T12:13:00.000Z

New year new me?

Jumped on the scale this morning and i was 13.11 stone (my lowest weight so far) and a 2 pound (1kilo) loss from boxing day. I had thought me eating was out of control... and lets face it it was, but i had planned on enjoying it (ach who am i kidding... enough with the excuses!) i fell off the wagon... so weightloss is a huge added bonus.

But enough of trying to make excuses, i didnt excersise, when i could have, and i made very poor food choices, so although i am at my lowest weight... i feel fat! and its no ones fault but my own, yes my folks drive me nuts and dont always know the best method of handling me, yes my sister is little miss perfect etc etc etc... all bloody excuses. and having a poor me attitude helps no one least all myself.

They say that the only person anger hurts is us, no one else. so enough. its time to take control... and deal with my weight and the way i react to others by using food, as with anger... the only person who gets hurt is me. And they say the more you eat (badly) the more you want to eat... its a catch 22 situation and lets face it, its just going to make me fatter... and there is no need... just stop the bad choices and slowly get back on track.

Have started the year well eatingwise, i felt like a huge stack of toast but instead i had a low fat yogurt and half a melon and a banana.

Thank you all for your encouragement it helps a lot

good luck for 2007

2006-12-29T09:26:00.000Z

Right, new life begins on the 01/01/07 :P i actually dont like making new years resolutions, but this seems to be a good day as any to catch my lard loss bus.... i may have to run to catch it as it goes speeding passed me! but i will do it, i will! I know why i became fat, i was lonely and unhappy and felt unloved, so i filled the gap with food.... and boy was it a gap, more like the great rift valley actually! lol. But the thing that gets to me the most, after all the hard work i have done, and yes i am acnowleding the fact that i have done bloody well, because even though i pigged out these last couple of weeks.... my new size 16 jeans still fit, BOTH PAIRS! :D But as i was saying, the thing that get to me are the diet police. I didnt tell any one that i was starting my diet until they actually began to notice the weightloss, 1)because no one would believe that this time i would actually do it and 2) because i dont want/need the diet police on my back. IT DOESNT HELP GUYS!

when i came back from my first term in boarding school, having survided all the bullying and ostracism (buy eating) i came home and ate.... and instead of trying to find out why her normally happy child started eating like a rabbid starving wolf, my mother just tried to control what i ate and i had to live with 'where has the last packet of biscuts gone?' 'you cant just eat that' ' you shouldn eat that' 'havent you had enough' no mum i bloody hadnt

the valley wouldnt have been so large and unmanageable if you had filled it with kind words, compassion and just a little bit of love... instead you donned the diet poilce uniform.

so i didnt tell any one because i didnt want my mum or dad (who are notoriuos for doing this) saying 'should you be eating that?' its no wonder all my pigging out happens in secret because then its only my guilt trips i have to deal with. the diet police actually make it worse.... the minute someone says 'should you be eating tha' i want to reach for another... nope screw that... the whole packet of what ever it i was eating.

and hey i lost a whole stone on my own and can now run 5ks with out dying... what have you done? maybe that cookie, or piece of choc, or cake was my treat... and i was ALLOWED it... but you just ruined the moment and turned it into a power struggle... i have enough of a power struggle with myself thank you very much! and i do know that its just my folks trying to help and show support.... but really... its not helping and they dont seem to get it when i tell the just to bog off. i did it on my own when the wernt look what makes them think that i cant carry on?

when people started noticing my weightloss one guy commented 'you must have very good will power' and i said to him, yes i do: i will eat the second helping, i will eat the chocolate family sized bar, i will finish the cookies.... of course my will power is good.... its actually my wont power that i am working on. I WONT give into that tempation, I WONT eat the second cookie, I WONT talk myself out of going to the gym, for that run/walk. Its my WONT power i have been so good with!

so to every one who reads this, i hope that your new year starts with increadible focus, determination, and that your WONT power doesnt let you down! let the voice of the WONT be the strongest for 2007. and until then.... for those that have fallen off the wagon (like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee) enjoy it otherwise the guilt will just be another stumbling block when you do come down from the sugar high. so enjoy it up there, because lets face it the view is great! :D

goodluck for 2007 guys, i hope its everything you ever dreamed of

2006-12-27T11:55:00.000Z

Went running last night, if you could call it that! i have my first 5k race on the 13Th, and i cant run... i have screwed up my knee a bit and my legs just felt weird the whole way round, and i managed to get blisters on both feet... so hobbbled home instead. was very angry with myself because of it! but what can you do... am going to buy a knee support thingy and run once this weekend and then again on the day of the race. i regularly run 6ks... so 5 should be no probs. i will just have to keep my fitness up by going cycling, swimming and to the gym. no worries.

speaking fo the gym i have finally sorted out my membership and have my new card etc... now i just ahve to go... i didnt bring any kit with me to work, but may go home early today and go down this evening and do some laps in the pool

Chritmas was good i ate like a horse... in fact i probably ate a horse! lol
but thats ok, i ment to. I will get back on the horse (no not the one i ate) in the new year... as we have more family celebrations for the next few days till new years.

From my grandparents i got a special weigh watchers, all singing all dancing scale.
got on said new scale on boxing day moring having just eaten... and weighed in at my lowest weight (haing gained two weeks ago and not gone to the weigh in the last week because i knew i had gained!!) and i am at my lowest weigh ever!!! (13.13 stone although was 14 this morning) which suits perfectly as long as i can keep it up till new years as if its 14 then it will be exactly 4 stone i have to loose. i love my new scale :p and will weigh myself every monday morning.

so hope every one else is full fed up and happy... its nearly a new year... and my new years resolution isnt to loose weight or anythig of the sort... its just to treat myself and my body with respect and to be happy!

2006-12-23T09:19:00.000Z

Just a quick post to wish every one a very merry christmas!

Also wanted to say that i have now signed up for my first 5k race which is on the 13th of jan up Arthurs seat in holyrood.....so watch this space. while i was at it i signed up for my first 10k race to be held on 6th March (or was it may!) The great Edinburgh race.

did not get weighed this week as i am sure i have gained. I am 'blaming' it on the stress of my sister arriving today... Its hard enough being the second best in the family with out having to compete with my perfect little sister. Who is accademic, made friends in school, does as she is told, i thin and pretty.... its a good thig she is a nice person and i love her! and am looking forward to her being home for good, i just wish my folks loved me for who i was instead of always wanting more from me. eg. brought home a maths exam result once (i had slaved over the bloody thing!) with a 97% adn all my dad said to me was 'where is the other 3%. so bloody 97% isnt even good enough. if that was my sister she would have been praised to the heavens. stuff lie that happens to me all the time. when i told my folks about the race (bare in mind we are not a sporty family at all so what i do goes against the grain) they were jut like, oh thats cool. my work collegues got more excited (as they appear to know me better) than my folks bloody did!!!! so enough about that... im off for a run...seriously!

So Merry Christmas all

2006-12-20T11:54:00.000Z

awsome tag stolen from andsoitbegins
Its a year in review kinda Quiz thingy... and we all know how much i love doing these! besides i am at work :p

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
never done before ever? i cant think of anything. Had a proper job perhaps?

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i dont actually rememeber making any. I will def have some for 2007.... my goals or things i wish to achieve by 2008 if you will

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My aunt gave birth to my sweet cousin Claire Robyn Freya Allester. Freya is a nice name

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Ben Richards. We wernt that close but he was a part of the fabric of my life for near on 5 years.

5. What countries did you visit?
France

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Direction, and a great body ;)

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?02/09/06 Watching my grandad marry the woman he loves. (you would understand if you knew my granny... she made the 43years they were married hell... for everyone involved)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Completeing the London to Brighton

9. What was your biggest failure?
the last two weeks!!!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Stomach ulcer... apparently i need to stress less

11. What was the best thing you bought?
my gym membership

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
dunno

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My dad's funnily enough, and my Gran.... we try not to think about Granny much.

14. Where did most of your money go?
gym i suppose

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My friends

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
The middle - Jimmy Eat World

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? not sure, sadder i think especially if you compare it to my gap year which was last year... that was unbelivably awsome... so i try not to campare them
ii. thinner or fatter? Bit of both
iii. richer or poorer? def richer... steady income and all that :)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Forgiving

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Getting angry, uptight,stressed etc

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
with the family

22. Did you fall in love in 2006?
no

23. How many one-night stands?
None

24. What was your favorite TV program?
House/friends/top gear

25. Do you hate/like anyone now that you didn't this time last year?
I have made paece with some people

26. What was the best book you read?
Dunno... the Island by Vicoria Hislop was quite good... nothing ground breaking was read this year though

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Soweto String Quartet

28. What did you want and get?
to drive Craigs Car.... yay for summer!!! (seriously Lotus Elise and i get to drive it... ) he he he

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Probably Brokeback Mountain

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
was 20, went out with the family for Dinner to an amazing indian restuarant. And out with the mates the night before. Nothing too exciting

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
good weather? XD

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
I wear what i think looks flattering/pretty etc and what is comfortable and to hell with fasion.... if its jeans i am so there!!!!

34. What kept you sane?
not a lot, was barely sane most of the year... chocolate maybe?

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
ooh ooh... Matt Marshal!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I dont give a shit about politics, the news or any of that rubbish. I grew up in africa dammit... i know all about the downtrodden, the hunger, the famin, the murders, the fear and the hate. Politics is just evil and screwed up and i can very well do with out it in my life thank you very much

37. Who did you miss?
Every one at home!!!!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Probably Susan, and the Soton lot XD

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
What ever santiy you have left? Hold on to it with both hands.... and dont worry things will get better... eventually ;)

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
'well here i am in the wind again, floating where it takes me''
''the endlessness that you feel as you are pulled from the racket of your silent reverie''

2006-12-19T13:20:00.000Z

i wrote a post this morning but it appears to have been swallowed up by the black hole that eats remotes, batteries, single socks and the occasional email!!!

went shopping this moringn and got warm running gear as winter is now aupon us and the ground is icy, it will snow soon and my god its cold!!!

i have yoga this evening, will go to the gym hopefully tomorrow night, and a run tomorrow morning

the run that i mentioned in my last post? i did it again! and it wasnt so bad! in fact it was kinda nice

I gained two pounds (1 kilo) in my last weigh in... but have no one but myslef and bad eating to blame. tis ok though because as of today i am back on track! thank god because i was beginning to think i had lost the plot. but no... that. will. not. happen! grrrrrr. lol

anyway so i am flagging down the next lard loss bus that goes pasde, cause i want out of fatsville

and the BIGGEST news!!!! *drum roll*
i have entered my fist 5k race (13 jan)
and while i was at it entered my first 10k too 6th MAy

yay

btw Sara, thansk for the cooments, i have been reading ur blog as well, but cant seem to comment on it... i dont know if there is a problem on your side or if i am just being a doos?

again thanks to all who read, it helps

*hugs all*

2006-12-19T10:20:00.000Z

well... i did it again and this time it was much esier... almost fun. did no running over the weekend at all!!!
he he

have yoga today and walzted out of the house this morning without my kit... oops

so since i go passed a shopping cneter i stopped and got a tshirt, and two joggin bottoms and two lightweight jogging tops as the shorts i use for running are a bit pointless now since its freezing outside and i need long pants...so yay!!!

i know this post is about clothes... but hey! i like clothes.... and i can gym in them and yoga in them and run in them and cycle in them, so i am a happy bunny

and i am sitting ehre drinking herbal tea avoiding the vending machine because i dont need it in my life!!!

and fter a crappy couple of weeks eating wise i put on 2 punds (1kilo) was very depressed about this but pulled myslef up for it ebcause its only my fault! so no more, getting back on track (fingers crossed guys!)

btw, Sara, i read ur blog and keep trying to comment on it... but cant seem to for somereason, is this a problem on myside or yours?

as always guys i love knowing that someone reads this and cares
*hugs all*

2006-12-14T09:25:00.000Z

went to an excersise motivation seminar yesterday... which has actually succeeded in getting me back off my arse!!! i am tooteling off to the gym on sat to see if i can switch my memebership and everything. I went for a run last night... was planning on going this mroning but succeeded in sleeping through my alarm (this never ever happens to me so i must have been tired).

anyway back to my run last night, it was horrible. i am so rpoud of myslef. i am not sure of the distance...will go out in the car tonight to measure it....but it is furthar and faster than i have ever run!!! and it hurt every step of the way, it was unco-ordinated, painful hard and irritating... and i bloody kept going !!!!!! YAY so gold star for me. and when i walked (there were so fairly major hills in this route) it was for a minute... so in a 45min run... i walked for 1 min.... so *pats self on back*

for all that it was not a pleasant experience... i had decided on the route, and then i went and i bloody did it... and pretty quick too!!!

so am only slightly sore today...and had yoga on tues (more explination for the sore bit) it was great

although i had one probelm... my left foot went completely numb for the last 115min or so... like pins and neddles numb... is this ment to happen? i was wearing mynormal trainers and had nothing different about me to anyother run i have done?

2006-12-11T21:13:00.000Z

I dont remeber a time when i was not fat. i dont know what thin feels like. i am looking at pictures of myself taken over the last couple of years... 5? 6?
and guess what... i am fat... double chin and wobbly neck and huge stomach and absolutely no sholders... just my face on a round lump. why am i doing this to myself... and those brief moments then i felt pretty... i only need look at pictures of myslef and see that i am just a fat lump... especially next to my sister. no one will ever love me if i stay like this...least of all myself

thats enough depression for one night, i just needed to document it... and tomorrow try and move on

*hugs self*

2006-12-11T15:20:00.000Z

right

get life sorted outget over winter blues
get happy
and get back in control

Two very simple rules

1)weekdays must begin (6am) with a run...doesnt matter how long or short
2)no processed junky foods eg chocs or crisps

thats all

2006-12-10T20:19:00.000Z

ok

so that pound i lost?
i must have been very lucky...or at least still doing something right even though it didnt feel like it. I think that i am allergic to somehting because as i sit here my stomach hurts like hell. And i have sinned this weekend...but i have a couple of malteesers yesterday and a couple to day.. where as i would have had two packets in a day... so although i am 'out of control' its no where near as bad as i used to be. so thats something to feel grateful for. and i have been running every day for the last four days must keep this up too.

have finally signed up to the gym... now i just have to go!!! may go tomorrow night just to swim as somehow this feels less threatening so must do this... must must must.

i need to get back on track and eating healthily.. i need to. i am now a size sixteen.yay. but i have never felt thin ever...so i think there is some mental issues to sort out as well...seeingas i seem to be into the whole self sabotage thing. why am i doing this? it just makes me feel fat and ill.

I think i went out on a date last night. it was bizaar. the guy is lovely though. will have to see what happens with this. gak
and uni applicatons and tidy room

think i may drag my sorry self outside for a run tonight because i need to do it for the endorphin rush...will make me feel much better.

although i am not down just a bit grumpy with myself for being a DOOS.

ah well... *hugs all*

2006-12-08T09:51:00.000Z

got weighed yesterday... have lost another pound. Thank God! although i havebeen doing badly in terms of actual eating choices. So must get this back under control because when i am not, i feel fat because i am eating junk. I also dont feel fit and healthy.

Well thats all folks

I am too angry atm to write any more

I hope you have a fantastic weekend!!!

2006-12-01T11:10:00.000Z

hi all

sorry have not updated in a while
weekend was interesting because i have finally gotten over said guy, and am toying with two of his friends instead..all harmless fun stuff dont worry!

have lost another two pounds (1kg) this was over two weeks but considering i was not eating well and was aaway for 5 days *pats self on back* yay for me!!!

have been keeping up the excercising and feel fitter at yoga and stronger...

must. keep. going. will. not. pig. out!

lol

have been an a fantastic mood for over two weeks now, so have def turned the corner as far as thats concerned

have also got my head round going to uni in sept and am pushing to get my appliacation done by end of Jan (the deadline)

so all in all, all is well

xxx

2006-11-28T09:43:00.000Z

i ran last night
very little pain (1hr)
and went twice as far as normal!!!
also got rid of all the chocolate that was knocking around my room. (this felt very good)
so, no choclate
double my 30min
still have to get to the gym 4 times this week, may not manage...but will def keep on track with the other goals

weekend was..... interesting

2006-11-21T11:34:00.000Z

I need Goals

Its so close to next year and i have stumbled when barely into my project. I have started eating crap again, i had so much chocolate last night. I barely tasted it. Why am i doing this to myslef? is it just because i am scared of going down south tomorrow? and i really am, i dont know what to expect, i dont know how he feels about me... i know how i feel but can i really continue investing so much emotional energy into an uncertainty?

So back to my goals for new year.

At last weigh in i was 14.2 stone (may be more atm) (198 pounds)
there are 5 weeks until new years.
if i really work at it and aim for a 2 pound loss a week, then i will be 178 = 12.7 stone i think that is too ambitious, so mabye aim for 13 stone. thats -16 pounds. 0r 1.6 loss per week. Much more attainable. (secret goal is to be t 80kgs for new years eve) which is 12.5 stone...OH HELP !!!actually being a size 14 would be nice as well

To do this i will excercise for at least half an hour a day.
Go to the gym 4 times a week
drink 2-3l of water per day (INCLUDING weekends)
No chocolate, absolutely none. Will put up a calander at work...Chocolate free days!!!
Make myself accountable...will update how i am doing every day.

and this is my last post until i get back on sun/mon so will start on Mon (dont want to have to fuss too much while i am dashing around down south) but all the dashing my help get me out of my rut

Have a good weekend all!!! thank you for the lovely comments etc, its nice to know that some one reads my waffle, it helps.

2006-11-20T09:33:00.000Z

this post may sound cruel, but i am seriously angry. My boss is overweight, more so than i was when i started. The other day she said 'i would have asked you how you have managed to loose the weight, but you have bee sick so it doesnt matter'. SORRY? i was ill for a week!!!! i have been 'dieting' and exercising like mad and eating healthily for 6 weeks. Thats how i have lost weight. By putting some bloody effort in... she sitts theer and has greasy breakfasts, crisps, chcolate, greasy lunches and complains that she needs to loose weight...well DUH. she also should get some excersie.

I am not even following a particular diet i have just cut out as much refined and processed foods including bread, sweets and crisips. make sure i eat my five a day and get some excercise. i have worked hard at it...thats how i am bloody doing it.

so yes i am angry, angry that she sits there and stuffs her face but complains how fat she is (i never did as i knew that the only reason i was fat was because i made myslef that way!) no one else is to blame... the fat fairies did nto come over and wave a wand and make me fat... in the same way that i am making myslef thinner... there is no magic wand no illness just plain sweat and sometimes tears.

on a happier note i had an excellent saturday where i went horse riding and got to try out icelandics and learn how to tolt. then we went bowling...which was also fun. am stiff today, but yoga tomorrow will help.

it must just be a case of puttting your head down and getting on with it.

*a journey of a thousand miles begines with a single step... and the subsequent putting o one foot in front of the other and just keep going

*'some one once said to me 'why do you insist on taking the hard road?' and so i said 'what makes you assume i see two road?''

i hope you all had a wonderful weekend. xxx

2006-11-16T16:49:00.000Z

send three and four pence.....WE ARE GOUNG TO A DANCE :)

and on the 7th week Jessica rested.
have been successfully on my diet for 6 weeks (last thursady) and as above i then 'rested' well fell off the wagon more like, BUT got weighed today.
and i stayed the same :D YES.
so body was craving sugar today.

'you say you want sugar do you?'
'YES YES, now...sugar now'
'well you asked for it.....'

so i have eaten everything with sugar in possible, biccis and fudge and choc.also have two large 500ml coke currently floating sumwhere on the ceiling.
but feel rather sick and shakey...quite happy to have NO sugar...EVER AGAIN

am in the strangest mood...must be a sugar high or something
*bounce*
*grin*
*laugh histerically*

life is good

2006-11-15T15:21:00.000Z

1) How old do you wish you were? old enough not to care and young enough not to care
2)where were you on sept 11? i cant actually remeber, mabye at school
3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? just leave it
4) Do you consider yourself kind? i think so, i hope so
5) If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be? i have three, this question is a bit of a moot point really
6) If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be? xhosa, or zulu
7) Do you know your neighbors? yes, they are my grandparents
8)What do you consider a vacation? anytime i actually unwind
9) Do you follow your horoscope? not really
10) Would you move for the person you loved? i love to travel...so YES
11) Are you touchy feely? very
12) Do you believe that opposites attract? i think so
13) Dream job? i havent a clue.
14) Favorite channel(s) i actually dont watch that much tv
15) Favorite place to go on a weekend? talana (not like thats going to ever happen again)
16) Showers or Bath? shower to get clean , bath to relax
17)do you paint your nails? sometimes
18) Do you trust people easily? no
19) What are your phobias? the dark, heights, scary movies, ghosts and gouls
20) Do you want kids? i think so
21) Do you keep a handwritten journal? no, but i have two online ones, one that some people read and other that other people read
22) Where would you rather be right now? at home of course, or somewhere sunny
23) What makes you feel warm and safe? its been that long that i have felt safe and secure that i cant remember, but generally on horse does it for me
24) Heavy or light sleep? very heavy (slept through the smoke alram the other night..oops)
25) Are you paranoid? sometimes, overly analitical and self critical...these are similar if not the same :)
26) Are you impatient? it depends, i vary between the two, mostly i want things NOW thouhg, so mabye thats more yes
27) Who can you relate to? kagi... and also susan, and def John-Michael
28 ) How do you feel about interracial couples? i dont know
29) Have you been burned by love?ive been burned by unrequited love, does this count?
30) Whats your life motto?? just keep swimming
31) What's your main ring tone on your cell? umm... ring ring
32) What were you doing at midnight last night? just got into bed...was at the movies, only caught the 9pm show on account of yoga till 6
33) Who was your last text message from? Susan organising movies
34) Who's bed did you sleep in last night? mine, it was lonesome ;)
35) What color shirt are you wearing? black, white and brown, yesterday was red
36) Most recent movie you watched? starter for ten, its a really cute romcom
37) Name five things you have on you at all times? a smile, perfume, wallet, mp3 player, water
38.) What color are your bed sheets? beige
39) How much cash do you have on you right now? a couple of pounds
40) What is your favorite part of chicken? thigh
41) What's your favorite town/city? broome
42) I can't wait till... my 21st birthday
43) Who got you to join myspace? wesley tried
44) What did you have for dinner last night? popcorn...hey i was at the movies
45) How tall are you barefoot? 5'4
46) Have you ever smoked crack? NO!!! and will never
47) Do you own a gun? no
48) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? water
49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? i wish i had one...lol
50) Do you have A.D.D.? im sorry, what was the question again?
51) What time did you wake up today? 6:30..only got out of bed at 7:15
52) Current worry? life in general
53) Current hate? life in general... no just the weather, and lack of bike...must rectify this
54) Favorite place to be? home, or australia
55) Where would you like to travel? everywhere
56) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? hopefully married with kids, or kids on the way... if not then travelling
57) last thing you ate? ham and cheese roll
58) What songs do you sing in the shower? hakuna matata
59) Last person that made you laugh? Gary
60) Worst injury you've ever had? broken leg, and ram...although not at the same time, also when i damaged my back falling off a horse, that was pretty bad
61) Does someone have a crush on you? no idea, i wish i suppose
62) What is your favorite candy? mmmmm candy

2006-11-15T10:26:00.000Z

At the beginning of sept i was a bridesmaid when my Gandad got remarried. I was literallly bursting out of my dress.

I put said dress on again on monday and i can just about swim in it!

Must take a picture and then post both (the before and after).

Good idea, hey mabye stick both on the fridge, adn beside my bed, and on my computer, and at work... and anywhere else i am tempted to eat!

2006-11-14T12:56:00.000Z

2006-11-14T11:12:00.001Z

*right... am trying for about the 10th time to publish this damn thing, hopefully this one works

[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/][img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/3;0;0;0;0/c/-19/t/-77/k/2806/weight.png[/img][/url]

Finally got one of these! to keep track visually of how i am doing

speaking of which...thank you all for popping over, and the lovely comments made my day (as i was almost on the verge of caving in to the binge , which has successfully beeen calmed ) so THANKS everyone

My weekend was great in terms of eating, but the excercise thing went out the window due to small accedint between myself the bike and a rather solid wall... the wall is OK.

my bike is buggered, my sholder is buggered, on a good note i have yoga tonight and that should help loosen me up again. (nend to find time to buy new bike...SOON)

I went for a small jog this morning, but on account of buggered knee from bike... and shin splints... it wasnt that far or fast so in terms of excercies i think t was a small drop in the ocean of what i could do on my bike... althoughi really want to improve my running but can only manage a couple of times and then have to rest again.

Has anyone had these? any idea how to get rid of/ get passed them? any advice and ideas is appreciated!

hope the weekend was great!

2006-11-09T10:27:00.000Z

I got weighed this morning

I have lost NINE pounds!!! in 2 weeks.

go me

To date that takes my total loss to 1 stone 2 pouns (almost 8kilos) (but my goal is in stones so that what i am measuring in)

*does happy dance*

2006-11-08T13:43:00.000Z

im back, ladies and gentlemen, i am back.

Today for my lunch i had, a salad with greens, cucumber and celery... and tuna. then a small cup of veg soup and a yogurt.

And i cycled today. so to work 4miles
from work to second job 5/6miles
home 3/4 miles

and tomorrow the same.

will give the running a go again this weekend

i am seeing the boy in a couple of weeks, the next goal is to see how much i can loose before then, and how much muscle tone i can get. mabye even lose another seven pounds...which is streatching it i know, but if i work my butt off (giggle) then it is possible!!! that way i will have lost a stone since he saw me last.

now if thats not an incentive... what is?

weigh in tomorrow, and i can see how i am doing!!!

hope everyone is having a good day

2006-11-07T11:00:00.000Z

in the famous words of Frankie, RELAX
I 'fell off the waggon' last night and am now running to catch the damn lard bus!!!
I had a muffin Choc chip of course, and a blt sarni and a pack of crisps, on top of glass of milk, yogurt, banana and a portion of fish pie. In retrospect i suppose this is not too bad, but i feel like i have abandoned my quest. I suppose it has something to do with the fact that i missed last weeks weigh in and cannot see how i am doing. for my lunch today i brought a salad and a yogurt, but am tempted to eat out of the canteen.

I dont feel fine
I feel like i am teetering on the edge of depression, bare in mind that i am not used to this bloody lack of sun, so it must be SAD. This makes me laugh, calling it SAD har har har.
I need ot get my groove back, and get back on the lard bus, i am worried ive missed ir though. Although there is always the first bus tomorrow!!! and i get weighed on thurs, when its a loss i am always motivated to keep going, but this lack of knowledge just sucks. They say ignorance is bliss... well 'they' are wrong.

I am glad that my boss is not around for the afternoon as she is driving me nuts. I have my headfones in for a reason, and that reason is leave me the hell alone. Dammit cheer up woman!!!

at least i have not had a chocolate in almost a month, and the cravings have passed. which is good! i dont know why i am stressing, i dont think i have actually missed the bus compleetely, i have mearly got off and am waiting at the stop for the next one... it should come around soon

I know that i am far too self critical!!! and i ahve issues, but i am working on them, i am just not sure how to get over this slump

I have not exercised since sun, that may be contributing, but i have had to rest as i am cycling tomorrow and wanted to give my body enough recovery time!

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

2006-11-05T21:47:00.000Z

after feeling crabby all week for lack of exercise i decided to go for a run, however i could not decide to go hard and fast, or long and slow. So i did both.Sat i went for a short, fast, hard run... and tonight i went for a long, slow equaly hard run. It was great!I went exactly as far as i had planned to go, so in the latest ME VS ME, I WON.so am feeling rather pleased with myself.Also got to talk to Laura for aver an hour on sat, and Jen tonight, so am feeling much much better.Also on both runs, there was no pain in my shins, which actually saying much as it takes a while for the pain to come back, but so far so good. My knee was complaining a bit, will probably strap it up next time.All in all the pain is of an 'i worked hard' variety and is very pleasant. Run 1 was only 1 mile, and run 2 was only 2, but for not having done anything since monday, and only cycling before that... it was all pretty good show!!!
I did pig out a bit this weekend, but i think with the runs it was in better control than most other times. and although it felt like piggin out, it was mostly in relation to the very little i ate all of this last week due to the newly discovererd stomach ulcer. For which i am now taking tablets and have to eat 'bland' foods for a month, and no alcohol.

well well. feeling much better, long may it last

2006-11-02T13:46:00.000Z

no weigh in today (she cancelled, so i will have to wait another week to see if there is any difference)

which there should be since i havent been able to eat much, am really quite ill, mu stomach has been 'upset' for almost a week now, am off to the doctor to see what wrong.... because i was in the worse pain this morning (lay down with hot water bottle for an hour and it eased) but the pain is still there in the background.

am struggling to get food in/keep food down, which i know is nt good... i have cease the cycling seeing as i am unable to eat much i think it would be counteractive

A friend died on wed (last week) although i only heard today (the grapevien from South africa is slow) so in my head he died today, now i know we werent that close (my fault, mot things in my life from friendships with men, to relationships, etc are my fault because im neurotic) but he was still someone who was present in my life for a good 6years.

This is dedicated to all the people i have lost, know that you were loved

Natalie Van Der Ouver (aged 8)
Illona Sommerset (aged 40)
Danny Karipedies (aged 10)
Charlie Siabelo (aged 19)
Martin Olds (aged 48)
Gloria Olds (aged 68)
Ben Richards (aged 20)

2006-10-31T15:42:00.000Z

i am doing well

i havent really been snacking
i have drank loads of water
i have excercised

I will wait for the weigh in on thursday with baited breath!

am going out tonight as it is halloween, dont really feel like it, but i need to get out.

have also just realised that 7 pounds (although it seems small) is actually half a STONE

Trying to be in a better mood

2006-10-30T16:03:00.000Z

The prevalent musing of this past week is who am I? what am I doing here? where am I going? what is my purpose. so I decided to focus on Who Am I?
I am independent yet seek the approval of others
I am outgoing yet shy
I am confident yet unsure of myself
I am brave yet afraid
I am strong but have moments of weakness
I am kind but can be bitchy
I listen and also talk over others
I am innocent yet worldly wise
I am laid back yet very excitable
I am easy to please but I have high expectations
I am comfortable on my own, I don't want to be alone
sometimes I am optimistic, sometimes pessimistic
I am a perfectionist that doesn't finish what she starts
I believe in fairies, unicorns and magic
I believe that love does conquer all
I believe in family, but mine drive me nuts
I sometimes think that the grass is greener on the other side
I think I have been on the other side
death doesn't scare me but dying does
I am intelligent but often feel stupid
I hope that there is life after death
small things amuse me
sometimes I am content, sometimes I am worried
I have been depressed and refuse to go there again
I have a dry sense of humour
I am spontaneous and also careful; I don't trust easily
I want more, I want less
I believe in second chances and I try not to judge people
I want to do it all by myself, yet I want to be rescued
I act without thinking, I think a lot, I think too much
I am normal, I am odd, I am insane, I am sane, I am loud, I am quiet
I can sit in silence or I can talk for days
sometimes I believe I can do anything, others...nothing
I get it right, I also get it wrong
I want life to be challenging and hard and exciting and fun, I just want peace and quiet and serenity
I wouldn't mind world peace and I believe in a global village
I hate
I love
I laugh
I cry
I am everything, I am nothing
I am
confused

2006-10-27T14:13:00.000+01:00

Current Music: Vangelis - Conquest of Paradise
I have finally got my head back together and am feeling much more relaxed and confident.Regarding the life issue, i have decided that it doesnt matter if i dont know because then a) I am open to suggestions or major changes b)I can go with the flow and see where i end up C the world is my proverbial oyster (i dont actually like oysters but there you go)Reagrding other stuff have decided to take a step back, go with the flow and wait and see. (rest of the life issue really)Basically i am back on form!!! I love being laid back enough to see what happens and take things as they come.Also i dont know what i was so stressed about yesterday, i am content with my life as it is, and dont need to change it immediately... nothing has to happen fast, infact things are better if they develop slowly. I think i am starting to miss home less, had a chat with Marius yesterday and he was in the same position... but he now likes it here. i dont think i was giving it a chance, and what good does hanging onto the past do anyway, its the past. Besides i think i could like it here, infact i already do.So onwards and upwards little rabbitPS I am SO coming into work on tues dressed as a fairy (yes Dot, a fairy, since i will have to come straight from work to halloween drinks) besides letting people think i am weird is so much FUN!Oh and to date i have lost 7 pounds and a total of 8 inches.

2006-10-26T10:33:00.000+01:00

MY GET UP AND GO HAS GOT UP AND GONE...

thats it really, its just gone, in all aspects of my life. I know i should be being super organised, and full of momentum, i cant even seem to get my butt into gear at work. I am trundling along in nuetral atm!

I have so many ideas, plans etc not to mention my weightloss. i just dont feel like doing anything. COME ON DAMMIT. just get on with it!

i have a little wish, a sort of small dream and am going to voice it here, and start planning and saving. (i know i should be being responsible and going off to uni and stuff, but i dont really want to do that yet, plus the fact that i will be lumbered with a huge student loan which is not something i want.)

I want to get on a plane, fly to Johanesburg, buy a bike and all the relevant gear, and just start cycling across africa heading for ciaro. howevere this will take lots of saving and planning. (i have a second job like i said in first post so this shouldnt be too hard)

am i nuts??? (i think if i told The Boy about this he would think i am nuts, i get the feeling that he is a very play it safe body.)

But seriously does anyone else wish they could pick up and just go?

so thats my bit for today, may rant somemore later though, just not feeling very happy today ie not my normal bubbly self.

have a great day

EDIT: i lost three pounds so am now at 14.11 stone. Mabye will get to 14 byt the time i see The Boy? hopefulyl!!!

Must. Get. Oragnised

Must. Plan. Meals

Must. Do. Excercise

Must. Get. Groove. BACK

2006-10-24T15:20:00.000+01:00

Still picking at my food!

I dont think that he will find this blog, so I can rant and rave about it in here. as I really need an outlet for my stress. He is making me stressed. Me miss independent.
I suppose its because I know how much I like him, and I dont really know how he feels about me. He runs hot and cold ALL the time! so I dont know what to think. I am on edge atm because I saw him this weekend. and it took almost two days for anything to happen (we just kissed) and it was great. But I think being female, or being me, or neurotic, or overly sensitive or SOMETHING

the worst part is its not his fault

me and my neurosis. When I feel like he is paying attention to me I am on top of the world, and then when I think that he has turned on the cold tap I am back at the bottom. its just stupid, and I have got to stop it. I dont think there is any major change in his behavior only in mine.

Although there is the fact that I really like him and still dont really know how he feels about me, to stress about!

I need to go to the gym, I could do with some exercise, and something else but for fear that children mite be reading I wont go into graphic detail. kiddding!!! Actually I just love being touched, and kissed, and held and snuggled (which he did, and OMG he did it well) the way he held me was amazing, he is so strong and held me so tight. I felt safe. but maybe the main reason is that I dont get to see him very often and thats what buggs me the most because I think I miss him more than he misses me.

Sorry that this has nothing to do with weightloss, but I am going to use it for other random ramblings as well!!! (forewarned is fore armed and all that jazz)

But I did only eat breakfast (couldnt finish it) and a cheese and ham brown bread with seed roll. And thats it!!!

I am amazed at myself

But am aiming to be at least a size smaller and a lot more toned by the time I next see him

but for me, not for him, I mean he likes me now, im am just using it as a good incentive

2006-10-23T14:57:00.000+01:00

This weekend was amazing. i Barely ate. actually for the first time ever i was not hungry. There was a reason for this and the reason has a little to do with a bloke. Nuff said. So i am calling the gym tomorrow and signing up!!! i love the gym. Oh and the best boot up the arse is that i dont see said bloke very often, so i am making it a personal goal to see how well i can do/ far i can get before i next see him. and this weekend really helped, i am feeling much much better, and in control. long may it last.

YAY

2006-10-18T12:22:00.000+01:00

i have flu, i am a weak snivveling shaking mess. so atm the diet has gone out the window, its hard enough keeping liquids in me et alone food, and i ate loads of crap yesterday, buscuits and chinese takeaway.

i am also going down to london for a decadent weekend, so that wont help.

however on a postive note i am sure come monday i will be feeling better and will have my motivation back. I went out and got a bunch of healthy food recipies and diet books just to give myslef ideas and variety.

also went to the health food shop, i have made my own mueslie and bought things like mug beans and rooibos tea, i love roibos tea.

you will hear back from me on monday dudes, next weigh in is tuesday (first on with WW) so will let you know how that goes!

Good w/end all

ps this post was written yesterday and was way longer, but it somehow deleted itself so i do appologise if this is a bit dry and bland

2006-10-13T16:45:00.000+01:00

Great, a visit from my three best friends

P

M

&

S

F*CK

sitting at my desk feeling, tired, bored, not very well, grumpy, irritated and angry

oh and i am eating a kitkat
and i scoffed two bags of crisps (normal size)

i need to go home before i kill some one

PLAN for tomorrow however is to go running and tidy my room... as this helps with the mood issue and clears my mind.

x

2006-10-13T12:50:00.000+01:00

I AM NOT A RABBIT

but i think i am going to have to turn into one. I gained apund on the scale yesterday morning and then proceeded to eat...
one scone
one muffin
two cookies
two chocolates

fat pig

tonight i am having dinner at my grandparents house, so for lunch i am having a salad, with not a lot in it as we do our weekly shop on saturday.
and a yogurt and banana for breakfast.

I need to do this

i am sick of men thinking i fancy them and then finding this hilarious. yes i am fat but hey i have feelings. the problem with being fat is that people assume that the layers of blubber somehow protect you from nasty looks and thoughts and words...however the opposite is true, we are fat because we have emotional issues. And dont worry lady there is nothing you can say to me that i dont say to myself everytime i walk passed a mirror

so for now i am going to continue eating my salad, join WW (weight watchers) on tuesday, go for a run tomorrow morning, and try to stop thinking about anything with fat, sugar, preservatives, flour, salt or cocoa

That is all

2006-10-12T10:41:00.000+01:00

OK its day one, well day one of my Blog as it happens. I kindof started my diet about a month ago as it happens, so to put you in the loop
START 21/09/06 15.4 stone (i am actaully metric but we get weighed atwork and they are not)
28/09/06 15 stone (and i wasnt even trying)
05/10/06 14.13
and then there was today 12/10/09 15 stone (I gained a pound) i dont understand it, i was so good. Actually if i think about it i may not have even been eating enough? i dont know.

So i am Jessica, I am 20 and i weight 15 stone (i am also 5'5). I want to be 10stone
OMG i have to lose 5 stone, somebody shoot me. its a whole third of my actual weight now, wether you look at in stones or kilos (about 30kgs)

So went for my weigh in this morning and i had gained a pound. mabye it was the three cupcakes last night. (i have two jobs i do admin work in the morning and three nights a week from 6pm till 10pm i work in a bakery....am i stupid? probably) and after the wiegh in i had a choc muffin (ok it was small) and a scone (large) with butter and jam on it. I feel like a right fat pig.

The problem is, i have never been thin. since i hit puberty and went to boarding school i have gained weight (and felt fat for as long as i can remeber) so this feels kindof unachevable since its heading towards somehting i have never felt. How do i know when ive got there. Atm i dont see any difference which is disheartening. i look in the mirror and i can see the cellulite, the bukges, the stretch marks and the wobbly bits. I dont love myself how can i expect others to love me?

I just want to be thin, and i want to be thin now!!! All this slow stuff is frustrating me as i cant see the results. Also the cravings, those cupcakes last night, i literally inhaled them they were gone so fast. and it grips you its like a powerful force, that wipes your mind clean of anything but the object of your desire. its primitive and scary and hard to control.

i think i may join weight watchers, that mite help

also i am getting plent of exercise as when i work at the bakery i cycle to work (which is what i call ym real job) which is about 4miles then to bakery about 5 miles then home about 3.5miles
and i do this three times a week. maybe i need to join a gym again

wish me luck

alos i have answered these questions that everyone starting a diet is supposed to answer.

Are you prepared to eat differently than your friends at a social situation?
I dont think that this will be too much of an issue as my 'treats' that i am going to allow myself are nights out (which i dont do very often)
Will you acknowledge the truth about yourself objectively?
yes of course, the truth is, im fat
How do you eat?
All the time really, when bored, when hungry, when upset, when sad, when happy, when lonely
What sort of lifestyle do you and your family lead?
Pretty sedentry, my dad has been told by the doc (for his depression) to use the exercise bike. my sister is slim any way, my mum is skinny, and she cannot exercise because of a disability....basically couch potatoes who eat when ever and what ever.
Are you being totally honest with yourself?
I hope so, i know i love sweet but i also am SURE that being thin will be more fabulous than an sugar can make me feel
Are you prepared to accept the things you cannot change?
yes, if you dont like it then f*ck off
Are you prepared to change your home environment?
yes, lots of greens in the fridge etc, no bad food in the house, and luckily most of the time the bad food that my mum,dad and sister eat i dont like. should be ok
How do the local restaurants fit in?
I dont really go to restuarants very often, but when i do a small glass of wine and not bread before. but i may allow myself pudding
Will your current habits fit?
no. But they are changing, like the chycling to work. and working at night, and not brining money to my day job so i can buy anything
Is my kitchen okay?
Now that my mum is away its difficult because i dont feel like making dinner at 10:30pm. but when she comes back it will be opk. see i eat last nights dinner for my lunch and then have yogurt and fruit etc b4 cycling to the bakery, and then nothing for the rest of the night